Mugi

Its not enough, Its not enough. It never was or will be.
I never had the chance to thank you For Ripping Out My Heart!
Its not enough, Its not enough. It never was or will be.
I never got the chance to say F*CK YOU!!!

Oops, its just a lyrics, don't wrong me with the words, hehehe. what do you think? pretty nice huh? it's the new song I just discover when I was trying to download some heavy metal hardcore song. It's not the complete lyrics but later on I'll give you the full detail so just relax. Ok this song is the newest to my favorite songs that I am listening right now, Hate me. that is the title of this song. If you just listen to this song you'll find why I liked it. I dunno if this song suited peoples taste or it's just the lyrics, but for me not only the music but all of its aspects. But what really takes my attention is the lyrics. the band really made it simple and easy to understand, in other words Naive, but being naive, makes this bonus track from there album caught my attention.

As you can see in the first statement of this post, its the first stanza of the song. well, I think just seeing the first stanza lyrics will let you know what does this song really means. Yes its about love or should we say HATE that love has made. Nostalgic for the likes of me. Why? coz I surely relate this song to my own experience. hahaha every time I hear this song, I feel some that I can express my feeling, and I am quite happy about the content of this song.

In my own opinion, HATE ME is a song of a man fully expressing his feeling for the woman who broke his heart or neither Dumped or broke up with him because of some unreasonable problem or etc. I liked how he throw the wrong things that the woman made. Me, also have the same thing the lyrics of this song is trying to say, coz once, I also loved someone but ended up with some nasty problem, after that we never talk to each other, and passed through each other like there is no one out there. Even a hello or hi never came out from our own mouth, And I think even now she's holding a grudge for me, she never accepted any of my apologies. Even if I know that she know, that she also have some blames on those issues. Even on social networks, she started to delete me as one of her friends. Even though I'm willing to sorry for everything, It is her that cannot accept it. I dont know, whether she holds grudge on me or she has some feelings for me to? that he cannot forgive me and befriend with me once and for all. Well I only know one thing. And that is, I'm tired of it and I will not pursuing her anymore. That fine with me. She's so childish, I think she should act mature.... Making childish act brings me more awkward feeling around her. ehem sorry, back to the song.

This is my favorite part of the song:
"You've just loved to hate me!"
And another is this
"Dont wanna be your romeo! Coz your not goddamn Juliet! "
ahahaha how meaningful(FOR ME, I guess )
But thats what make this song really great for me. And know its time for you to see the lyrics I was talking,

HATE ME
by 5 FINGER DEATH PUNCH!

BITCH!

Its not enough, Its not enough. It never was or will be.
I never had the chance to thank you For Ripping Out My Heart!
Its not enough, Its not enough. It never was or will be.
I never got the chance to say FUCK YOU!!!

Dont wanna be your tourniquet, for minor lacerations!
Dont wanna be your Romeo cause your no goddamn Juliet!
(You always did know... Just what to say... Insult to injury...)
YOU JUST LOVED TO HATE ME!!!

Its not enough, Its not enough. It never was or will be.
I never had the chance to thank you For Ripping Out My Heart!
Its not enough, Its not enough. It never was or will be.
I never got the chance to say FUCK YOU!!!

Youve got a gun! Ive got a gun! Lets write a tragic ending!
Dont wanna be this way again! Dont wanna be the one to blame!
(You can have the high roads... Ill take the lows... Disguise the fraility.)
I JUST LOVE TO HATE YOU!!!

Its not enough, Its not enough. It never was or will be.
I never had the chance to thank you For Ripping Out My Heart!
Its not enough, Its not enough. It never was or will be.
I never got the chance to say FUCK YOU!!!

YOU JUST LOVE TO HATE ME!!!

Its not enough, Its not enough. It never was or will be.
I never had the chance to thank you For Ripping Out My Heart!
Its not enough, Its not enough. It never was or will be.
I never got the chance to say FUCK YOU!!!


Its a bit short for a lyrics but surely have some valuable meaning for me and the others.....

HATE ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm not writing this one because I'm concerned. Just want to say what's on my mind about this matter... and I know many will find it idiotic and stupid, but I also think sometime that myself holds a great stubbornness, and philosophies that are not reasonable enough to cope with reality, (am I getting a bit serious here?) hehe well, that what I think, but I decided to stick in what i believe. And this is the thing.

AND THEY BEGUN......

To spread the word, pleasant and beautiful words coming from holy mouths of them. promising change and progress. I know, you know what it means, Power, Money, Social ranking, yes its politics. I know when someone sees what I am writing, especially for those who is running this may 10. they will get pissed about me, but I dont care about them, This is my privileged on this social network, I just want to expressed myself. It's not that I hate those people who is running this coming election, but after this thing, will there be a change, I don't care about local candidate, I do care is the higher ups, Presidential Candidates, Senatorial? Congressmen? Will this coming election brings any change in this striving country of us, will they change all the things that the previous leaders did not attain after a century, Those are the questions not only me but many teens are asking to them selves, I've seen it once Talking shitty things to people that they will bring change and rise this country once more, but what happened, Being one of the most corrupt country in Asia? is that the change our country was attaining for so long, T-T. Thus, will the next president truly Succeed changing this damned whole thing is our country, well, I'm just talking one sided.

In my own opinion, well do not take this seriously, I think nothing will change, this will go on and repeat itself again and again, look, how can we totally wipe corruption in the government? when the government has its own evil intention inside, can the next president terminate all those little punks inside the government? I think no, coz if yes, then there will nothing left inside? hahaha, That's why there will nothing change, but I'm no nostradamus to predict all this things, I'm just assuming those thing. And we will see what will happens after this, If I am right then. My idea are correct and If I am not then, I think its time for me to Change my state of mind. And review all the Principles I am clinging to. well, its to early to say, We'll see about that.........

Last march 9 one of my companion was married with his Gf. sure it was fun to know that he was starting to build a family. And we all celebrated it with fun and joy even though i did not come to the reception bcoz there is some errand to be done with.=, and (sigh) i ended up doing nothing and all afternoon i spend it with pareng computer and mareng internet. really this two thing are the ones make my time worthy, even socializing became boring for me. many friends are consistently asking for me to out and wanted me to jammed with them(newly found friends. good they are, crazy as i am!) but i always turning them down. cozi felt It will be nostalgic for somehow. back to the topic. then when we talk from work he began to tell story about his wedding and more. i was interested so i listen to him all the way. Then something came up in my mind.

The Question Is:
1. "Is it really fun, happy, joyful being married?"
2. "What's the feeling being married?"
3. "what kind of hardship did my friend gone to just to get married?"
4. and (this is the cruel part) " thought most people who got married, in the long run will eventually divorced
and separated? what will it be for those two?"

then thoughts became words and begin to ask questions out of curiosity.

and then after getting their opinions i jump to my own conclusion

The answers:

1. The joy of being with their special someone... happiness... hehe I also got through this things but not to the extend to be married with her, even though I always enjoy being with her and doing things with joy with her make me happy, but not to think eternally. then someone told me "There is a word in this world that means choosing and a word that give the answer for who you choose." then In seconds I understand what that means. the word for choosing is GIRLFRIEND/BOYFRIEND and if you already choose them its MARRIAGE.

2. Is getting married has different feeling from getting a gf/bf? thats what on my mind coz i never know what kind of feeling it was. coz I am not married! hahaha. "Lets leave it that way" I told myself, coz I want to know it for myself and not by others to talked to me. because there is no fun with it to know what its like to be.

3. he told me. it was really like hell when it comes to preparations, just asking the parents of the bride for her hands make him so worked out. the expenses they need to be done, the reception and all, but after that he told me that it was a rare and great experience that he will never forget. and after all the hellish thing. it became heaven. he told. i think what kind of heaven he is referring to? well i guess its the result of his effort with the feelings from their honeymoon. >.<

4. And i think there are too many people around me is cruel but i just realized? Im much more cruel that those. wah!!! since i got some idea from past that married couple, when they get bored by themselves, ending up with annulment. and breaking up. leaving their children behind with scorn faith with them. I disgust those kind of people to extend that i always think too many people are like them. thats why i told myself not to rush for these kind of things.but i was wrong, there are still people who believes in faith and trust. someone says. "Time will come, you, stubborn anjho(thats what they call me) you're to dense and always saying you're interest for girls have gone since the last time and just flirting around, someday finally you'll say WILL YOU MARRY ME to the girl you will find in the future, definitely asking like a dog(I'm totally pissed!) and will find the true joy of being married to your love. and when the time comes. It's up to you whether you'll break up or stay eternally(I'll smacked this person next time) " those last phrases he told me with a smile on his face, i think his referring to his own experience. (baka) idiot.

then after thinking of those kind of things, i know, something changes with the way i'm thinking for those things, even if it is a little i know somehow it helps me to realized something.
but some should be left behind and leave it to a persons own disposition in life.
I'm not going to rush...
I'm not going to fail again...
I will work hard for my future...
and i know, for a long run...
I will be rewarded....

Well my first blog this year, sure fun to blog again. well this year is different from the other year passed by, well i guess its because we moved out again? its not especial, though i already lived here in my high school days so I'm used to it. OK lets bring the facts.

First this year "I'm an out of school youth"
but you can say that I'm not in youth anymore, coz I've got my balls already grown up. Just kidding this year I'll turning "TWENTY".Yes! Twenty years old. hows that! one thing that I'm afraid off, (sigh) to become old! but its nothing to be worried about, coz its the way human are, aging till you get yourself an old stinky old hag/ fart and die. oopsie Ive got carried out, well back to the topic, by now I don't go to any school, when we moved out to our new place, it was decided that I'll transfer, but luck is off my side, I got my self late for the enrollment and not even getting my TOR from my previous school. So.... For the meantime I'm helping my old folks running our business. And also finding a job while I'm out of the game. n_n I'm such a good boy hehehe.

"Next is Into the job"
My father's sister, my Aunt is a manager in a great hotel in our city, and I'm lucky coz I've given the chance to worked there, and my sister too. I worked as an extra in the kitchen dept. and my sister is on the waiter and waitress dept. its a good experience though its not my line up, coz I'm an IT student and there's no computer around the kitchen to worked with. arggh, I thought I'm lucky gaining some working exp. but its not on my line. But I'm Great full that I was able to earned some cash from there even though their rate is not pretty well, Oh well I just it can't be help.

"Waiting In Vain?"
Am I waiting in vain? not really, I guess, let me be straight, well I'm waiting for some important contact, I'm just waiting to be summoned so i can train for my next job. Being an System operator for the up coming MF ELECTION, (sorry for the term) Yes! I'm one of those suckers waiting to be paid for the sake of our beloved election, which means nothing but just for formalities, Traditions and what so ever. I never trusted anyone from the higher ups of our government, they can only do is blabber themselves off and then, Ching! You've got your self fooled by another talk shit from this bastards! hehehe. huh,,,, I hoped this waiting will last.


"Moved Forward"
I'm moving forward with no detour or other second thought on my mind. My plans are pretty well initialized by now. I'm not planning on taking anymore troubles in my young innocent life, and I hope this will flow smoothly as i want. I'm not planning to seek for another love for now, but if the chances are for real, why should i avoid it, but another thing than that will be no no for good. I'm happy for what I am for now. Making new friends, learning more about life, slowly but surely making my path to adulthood, learning more to be a good man, making things up with someone i troubled before, and all the thing that made me regret will be kick out upon my new life. Even I got some of god's challenges... I'm not planning to Stop, I'll faced it head on. If there's no more road to walk on. I'll make one and flourished it so i can walk again. That the spirit!

"Whats next?"

For now I'm thinking of new things for my future, of course I'm planning to have some good time as well, but not letting my guard down, that's what i learned from one of my colleagues and good friend. His name is Joey, though he is older than me but we get along pretty well... And his one reason that makes me realize not to take my life for granted. B'coz I'll end up wasted. Back again to the topic. I'm planning on finishing my IT course then take another course of ECE of Coe. I'm choosing those two for my next plans. And most of all, I'm planning to work abroad, It's not like I don't want to work here in our country but, I want to gain some more knowledge from some foreigner, especially from Indians and middle east people, coz as much as I know, they are the best competitives in IT industry and I want to gain something from them. Hehehe wont lose to them.

Well I guess its all for now. Such a good feeling after long, I can post another of my thoughts again.

Love is a wonderful thing,

Being in Love is the greatest thing that would happen to everyone.


Love makes everyone comes to cloud 9.


YES, true
and Yes, some called it heaven
and some call it "HELL"
"DESPAIR"
"COURSE"

And when LOVE is SUPPRESSED, HATRED takes places.

i do feel the same by that time my loved becomes hatred and despair, many others feels the same too, and few of them committed different acts that is not appropriate.
If you never experience this kind of change, I'll tell you what I feel most of the time.

Its hard to be in that situation, despair and hatred is not the emotion you'll want to experience. Sadness and feeling down makes my stomach hurts, I feel i want to kill, I am easy to get irritated and i am always hot headed. I don't want to participate to an happenings, i always want to be with my desktop all the time, it for me to forget what the feeling is, its hard to hide what i feel from others, pretending to smile even my feelings are tormenting me most of the time, It was like an eternity of hell. sadness, madness, insanity, and wild! I started to have this world and all the people surrounding me.
FUCK THOSE WHO FUCKED ME.
DIE ALL THOSE BASTARD
I'LL KILL 'EM ALL
I HATE THIS FUCKING WORLD.

All i do is smoke, drink, stay up late, even my studies i take them for granted, I got low marks and my social status change, my friends started to feel I'm not with them anymore.

But thank god, I survived that kind of dimension I've been, But i always think, if that those committed suicide and unlawful crimes have also been in that kind of dimension? Well i think it might be, All i can say about what happened is i really understand them. and for those reasons i got there, all i can say is

THANK YOU, AND FUCK YOU

I can Smell it,
I can hear it,
I can feel it,

What a pain......
"Philippines ELECTION 2009" is coming, better to be prepared. I can smell the different odor of politicians. I can hear all the things they blabber over the people who makes them believed by some foolish shit talks they gave.

I don't believed.......
I think all of this is SHIT TALK, promise there, promise here, bah!!!!!, you all sucks, maybe others don't, but still majority are all fools, I CAN HEAR all the lies, PAGBABAGO? for hundreds of years, there is NO CHANGES AT ALL! you can tell me that if you change your politically Advocacy. ANOTHER lies! AND NO TRUTHS


I don't need this shit!.....
all i can tell is BAH!!!!! i can feel it. there is no sense making all this preparation for the up coming ELECTION bcoz IT WILL BE THE SAME!!!

ADIOS!!!

This past few days.......
I think I'm starting to hate the world....

But seriously, I am, I don't know how? But inside me.... I feel like the world is just a big pile of sh*t. Then something come up to my mind, "Is there any thing that is true?" Coz I'm thinking, In our present times, no one is true. Even to their own selves.

I think everything is a lie....
Just lie, all those stuffs that you can see in an idiotbox is all lies. Media? I think they are trying t manipulate our minds, like brainwashing us or controlling us, Coz I think they are the only one that holds the mass informastion before it aired on T.V, Am I right? thats why I think they have the power to manipulate those informastion and change its details before it aired? No one is true.... its a big fukery.

Don't you think religious group are for real?
I dont think so.... There are so many religious group, but are you sure that they are for real? form me they're just scums that are pretending to be good, but deep inside, they only want is to gain power, To gain controll, I've know so much of that! And I'm sick of hearing those shiT*y things from them. trying to tell us to be good, but how about those stinky fools. That why i dont believed in them. But i Know there is god and i only believed in one god, that is jesus christ, I dont need a religious group to believed.


the world has many problems. and every problem causes another.
i dont know.... I think I am just confused....
I just need time to think.